Your Pal the Principal’s Principles for Using Fake Doctor’s Notes

female principal doc noteIn my 9 years as a high school principal, I’ve heard nearly every half-witted excuse one can come up with. We’ve all been there, about to go to work/school, to meet with our significant other’s family, or to some other important appointment, and suddenly felt too ill to attend. Or, maybe you didn’t feel ill at all, but calling in sick seemed like the easiest way out. I’m not here to judge your motives, we all need a day or two off every once in a while. I’m here because so many people do it WRONG. Unfortunately, all too often this results in being fired, expulsion, or otherwise being punished for having poor excuses.Fortunately for you, your pal the principal wrote down this list of frequently asked questions about the principles of using a fake physician’s note.

Question: Does it matter what time I call in sick?

Answer: Yes! Absolutely! If you’re going to be playing hooky, make sure you have an air-tight alibi. This includes:

  • Setting a date. Avoid calling in last-minute at all costs, it just makes you seem rude and incompetent. When setting the date, avoid Fridays and Mondays, no matter how keyed up or hungover you think you will be. This will decrease suspicion in bosses and teachers.
  • Acting the part. No matter how confident you may be in your plan, don’t blow it by forgetting that your only excuse for missing work or school is that you’re too miserable to be there. Give subtle hints to your illness before you leave and once you return.
  • Playing it cool. I think most of us can agree that high school never ends. If you let your juicy little piece of gossip slip to anyone, expect it to spread through the grapevine all the way back to your boss/teacher. Keep your wits about you, and your rendezvous mission will go smoothly.

Question: What makes an excuse look legitimate?

Answer: One good way to make a excuse look real is for it to be real. Since most of us don’t have access to blank hospital discharge papers, though, another good option is to download the appropriate forms online. Look for ones that you can make your own, it doesn’t make any sense to print off someone else’s medical papers.

Question: What happens if I use a fake physician’s note?

Answer: As a professional, it would be abhorrent if I discovered someone using such a forgery. Personally, however, I can understand that Kaiser Permanente Insurance plans and trips to your physician can be expensive. To answer your question, the same thing that would happen if you used a real physician’s note. So, if you’re going to use a fake dr. form, make sure it looks legit!

Question: What do I do if anyone suspects it is a fake?

Answer: Simple. Tell them to call the physician’s office listed. Should they persist at calling your bluff, or if you’re terrible at bluffing, certain websites actually offer templates with a working number listed on them. If you are going to bring in a fake dr. excuse form, be sure it’s as good as the real deal!

Question: How can I be sure I’ve got a good document without testing it first?

Answer: The bottom line is, you get what you pay for. You can try downloading one for free, but a poor quality copy is bound to raise suspicion. You could also try writing one yourself if you have good penmanship and drafting skills, just be sure you have a backup plan if anyone you try to pull one over on decides to do their own research. If you want to be sure, use a previously tested product.

Lastly, please use this information responsibly. While it will be useful for you whenever you should need to make your own excused absence, abusing this knowledge can have dire consequences. Best of luck and happy improvised vacation!